This is some scary shit!

Somehow this all feels fraudulent to me.  Sitting in my chair reading I look up and think, this isn’t mine.  My hold on this is not real.

It gets a little frightening when my checks don’t clear the bank in a timely manner.  If a check is deposited in the morning on a Saturday, shouldn’t they clear at 5pm? Or is that only on weekdays.  Fine, it’s after 5pm on Monday.  Whaddup?! I’m not good at this.  I have always had enough money to pay all my bills and have some left over.  Now I’m anxious because a check takes 5 days to clear.  Sigh.  I am so not good at this.

I should be used to it by now.  I was fine until Christmas.  I was up in Dallas for three weeks, looking for work, helping a friend who had a stem cell transplant and of course, with my family for Christmas.  But I wasn’t paying close enough attention to my credit card use.  Most of my purchases were necessary.  Gas for driving back and forth to Baylor every day.  Groceries.  And, of course, having to get medication and pay for a doctor’s visit when I got a sinus infection.  Things did NOT go as planned.  LOL! At any rate, I ended up spending too much money, which I did not have. 

You know, I’m already tired. Like my friend Barry says, “Is there a caboose to this train of thought.”  It’s just this.

I can generally keep my anxiety in some kind of balance.  But today I’m freakin hard.  I’m not sure why today all of sudden I can’t find any hope.  Probably because it is after Christmas and still there is nothing happening.  I suppose I need to keep having faith in spite of all evidence to the contrary.  Just keep believing that something is going to change.  Hopefully soon. 

In the meantime, I guess, I have to start looking into alternatives.  Like going back to school.  I’ve done some research on getting a paralegal certificate.  I’ve worked as a paralegal for 15 years but I don’t have a certificate.  That might help my marketability.  The other alternative is to go back and finish my masters degree.  I haven’t wanted to do either of those options in the past because I didn’t want to be a poverty stricken student.  Hahahahaha!  Well! The poverty-stricken bit is already here so what’s to lose?

Okay, so, tomorrow, I continue with the “go back to school” option.

Debut Post

So! I've been unemployed for eight months now. I'm fed up with laying about waiting for something to snap.  I think I have submitted over 700 resumes and even the $10/hr jobs ignore me.  So, I thought I'd start blogging about it.  Why keep my misery to myself.  If I'm going down, I'm not going down alone.  LOL!  At any rate, I'm having a hard time focusing on this.  There are so many elements involved here I don't know where to start.  I think I better go put the coffee on. This may take awhile.

Where to begin.  Get some music going and let ‘er rip. I’ll be glad when my computer gets fixed.  I only have to wait until Thursday for Dell to ship my new hard drive.  I really kind of suck at this.  I’m not much of a revealer.

It’s amazing what a little dance session can do.  Although, I really hate that all I want to do is go back to my games on Facebook and forget this whole revelation thing.  A little Daddy Yankee, a little REM and I’m all ready to live again.  I suppose since I’m in the music capital of the world, I ought to take advantage of that.  I have a good excuse today though.  The temperature dropped to below 60.  I’m not going out there!!

All right yuh big sissy.  At some point this week, I will go out and hear music.